Not Alright
by ewarrior11
Summary: Quick oneshot describing the escape from Earth.  Deals with Shepard's inner feelings and troubles.  Rough Draft.


"GET DOWN!" Anderson yelled.

Shepard dove behind a pile of rubble, and did everything he could to become as flat as possible.

The Reaper standing over them wasn't as big as Sovereign, but it was plenty big enough. Its main weapon had split the sky open as it lanced out towards the Alliance cruiser a few miles in the distance.

There was a bright flash as the cruiser's antimatter containment system let go. It was strange, Shepard though, how the flash was initially not accompanied by any sound whatsoever. It was as if the gate to Hell itself had opened without even a whisper.

Then the shockwave hit.

There was a deafening rumble, and then the roof of the building he was on gave way.

"Shit!" Shepard shouted. He slid on his ass down the remains of the building's roof, and landed in a heap of rubble. Shepard coughed and sputtered a bit as he extricated himself from the wreckage. "Anderson?" he called out.

"I'm here, Shepard." He barely heard Anderson's strong basso voice through the ringing in his head.

"This whole situation is turning to shit," Shepard said. "We need to get out of here."

Anderson pointed to a pile of wreckage down the street. "That crashed shuttle might still have an active comm system."

Shepard looked askance at the wreck. "I guess it's worth a try. And it beats waiting here."

"Let's move," Anderson shouted.

Wordlessly, the two soldiers began negotiating the piles of rubble to get to the downed shuttle. Shepard scaled the obstacles without even trying. _Just like basic,_ he mused.

Anderson threw a fist up and crouched. "Do you hear that?"

"There!" Shepard pointed.

There were three creatures emerging from a pile of debris. At first Shepard could not understand what he was seeing, so unnatural the beasts looked. After a moment, however, he recognized the cybernetic implants unique to husks.

These looked different than previous husks he'd seen, but that's what they were. One of the creatures was crouched down and Shepard realized that it was eating a corpse. His stomach rebelled and threatened to disgorge his breakfast, but he quickly fought the impulse down.

One of the creatures noticed them and bellowed a challenge. As it rose up, Shepard realized that it was a lot larger than he'd realized.

"Drop em," Anderson yelled.

Shepard aimed his pistol. He was really wishing for a proper rifle or shotgun, but the pistol was all he had. He pushed his fear away into a corner of his mind where it couldn't affect him. He aimed steadily with the pistol's rudimentary sights, lining up on the creature's head. Two strokes of the trigger sent two rounds through its skull, and it collapsed into an obscene heap of cybernetics and rotted flesh.

Anderson was even faster off the mark than Shepard, at least with a handgun. A scant few seconds, which felt like an eternity to the two soldiers, and all four of the creatures had been dropped. One of the husks continued to scrabble and claw towards them, futilely trying to continue its attack. Shepard shot it in the back of the head at close range.

The two continued towards the wrecked shuttle. Shepard wasn't really paying attention to his destination, however; his attention was mostly focused on the scene of armaggedon around him. He could see four Reapers from where he stood, with more landing in the distance. The sound they made was….disturbing. Mechanical. Soulless. Murderous. The sky rumbled above him, and he looked up to see a squadron of fighters scream overhead. The fighters salvoed their disruptor torpedoes into a Reaper at point blank range, but the giant war machine seemed to be unaffected. Ground to air turrets boomed, adding their staccato rhythm to the symphony of air raid sirens and dying civilians.

They scrambled over one last pile of debris to the crashed shuttle. The markings declared it to be a UNAS Army shuttle. Shepard forced open the troop door and peered inside.

The pilot and copilot were dead, their heads resting at unnatural angles. There were three other UNAS soldiers in the troop cabin, but none had survived.

"Sorry about this," Shepard muttered under his breath. He stripped away the thermal clip bandoleer from the nearest dead soldier and appropriated his rifle, which turned out to be an M-96 Mattock. The Mattock was a large caliber rifle considered obsolete by the Alliance, but a lot of Earth's national militaries and colonial militias favored the older weapon for its great accuracy and striking power. Shepard, for his part, had always preferred it to the more spray and pray mentality that was the current mindset among the regular Alliance military.

He quickly unfolded the rifle and seated a thermal clip. The rifle's status display blinked green, indicating it was still in working order and ready for use.

Anderson climbed into the troop bay, and punched a few buttons on a console on the back of the copilot's seat. A hatch opened in the floor of the troop bay, revealing an emergency communicator. Anderson removed the device and activated it. He nodded to Shepard, "Looks like it survived the crash."

"I don't know who you're planning on calling," Shepard said, shouldering his rifle, "but you'd better do it fast. We've got visitors."

An entire platoon of husks was coming up the street they'd just fought their way down, and they all had murder (and worse) in their eyes.

Anderson started talking into the comm unit, but Shepard tuned him out. With practiced ease, he settled the rifle's sight on the first husk's head, and stroked the trigger once. The husk's head disintegrated in a shower of gore and electrical sparks.

Shepard fell into a familiar rhythm. Choose a target, line up sights, pull trigger, dead enemy, move on. The husks were mindless and didn't even attempt to take cover. Shepard cut them down methodically, like a combine reaping wheat. Despite this, there were too many, and they were getting closer. Shepard ejected his spent thermal clip and slammed another home. He didn't have time to take careful shots now, and was triple tapping each husk center mass.

"Anderson, things are getting a bit tense here!" Shepard said.

"Just a few more seconds!" Anderson called out.

The majestic booming of Shepard's rifle continued unabated until it was eclipsed by a bright orange flash and an explosion that knocked him back. He looked up to see his old ship, the _Normandy_ making a 180 to come back and pick him and Anderson up.

_ Normandy's_ air strike had cleared the husks in the immediate area. Shepard and Anderson wasted no time, and sprinted for the _Normandy_ with husks nipping at their heals.

_Normandy's_ troop bay door dropped open to reveal two figures. One leveled an assault rifle and start pouring fire into the husks chasing them. Shepard recognized her at once; Lieutenant Ashley Williams.

Shepard sprinted up to the ship and Ashley and pulled him up. Shepard spun around. "Anderson! Hurry!"

"I can't Shepard," Anderson said. "I have to stay here. Someone has to organize a resistance."

"Screw that!" Shepard spat, a lump of lead forming in his belly. "Get your wizened old ass on this ship."

"No, Shepard," Anderson said. "Go. Go bring back help."

"I…" Shepard began. His eyes started misting up.

"Get out of here dammit!" Anderson yelled. "Bring help. I'll mind the store here and be waiting for you when you return."

"Shepard, there's no time," Williams said. "We have to go!"

"I'll come back, Anderson. I swear to God I will," Shepard said.

"I never doubted it for a moment. Now get clear," Anderson shouted. And with that, he sprinted off into the maelstrom. Shepard wondered if he'd ever see him again.

Without a word, Shepard turned and ran to the lift. Ashley and another soldier he didn't know joined him. _Normandy's_ alarm klaxon hammered his skull, and he resisted the temptation to hammer the lift's control panel in a futile attempt to make it go faster.

The lift opened into the CIC, and Shepard sprinted up the hallway to the flight deck. Joker was seated in his usual position, and Liara was seated to his right. Ashley had disappeared to somewhere, most likely to her normal battle station, when Shepard hadn't been looking.

Joker was already lifting hard and fast for space.

"Time to haul ass, Joker," Shepard said.

"Roger that," Joker replied.

"Jeff, incoming Reaper," a mechanical female voice said.

"I see it EDI," Joker replied. "Better hang on commander, this is going to get rough."

The Reaper was relatively small, about the same size as an Alliance cruiser. Joker threw the _Normandy_ into high-gee left turn, narrowly evading the Reaper's main weapon. He threw the ship into a steep climb, the ship's nose pointed at the Reaper's underside. He hammered a button on his control panel and _Normandy's_ Thanix cannon disgorged blue-white fury into the Reaper's shields.

And then they were past the Reaper. It had happened so fast Shepard hadn't seen whether or not the Reaper had taken any damage, but he wasn't interested in hanging around to find out, and neither was Joker.

The sky faded from deep blue to black and starry.

"Commander," Joker whispered.

"I see it, Joker," Shepard said.

There was nothing left of the Alliance 1st Fleet. The sky near Earth was littered with the wreckage of the once proud fleet, which had stood and fought to the last man against the onslaught. Ships, and pieces of ships, fell burning to the world they had died trying to defend.

Two dreadnoughts, sixty cruisers, eighty-four frigates, six carriers, and over 80,000 personnel just…gone. As if they'd never existed.

"Take us out of here, Joker," Shepard said quietly.

"Aye, aye sir," Joker replied.

Shepard glanced once more at the wreckage of the fleet, his face hardening. "I'll be in my quarters," he said as he stomped off.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

The door chime to Shepard's cabin rang. He ignored it.

"Shepard, it's Liara," he heard a voice from the hallway. "Please, I need to talk to you."

He considered sending her away. Anyone else he might have done just that, but he loved her, and even as angry as he was he just couldn't bring himself to be cruel to her.

"EDI, unlock my door," Shepard said.

The hatch opened to admit Liara. Her pleasant face wore a look of concern. "John," she said. "Are you alright?"

Shepard walked over to his armor rack, where his full set of N7 armor was hung up. He took down the helmet. And then pitched it like a baseball across the room, through his model display. Glass shards flew everywhere, forcing Liara to duck a bit to one side.

"I WARNED THEM!" Shepard shouted with all his fury. He jabbed a finger at Liara. "I told them what was coming. I told those blind sons of bitches what would happen, AND THEY DIDN'T LISTEN!" Shepard tore the N7 plate from his armor's chestplate, and hurled it after the helmet.

Shepard sat at the foot of his bed, and buried his face into his hands. "Now, the birth world of my entire species is being decimated," he murmured. "So, no, I am very much not alright."

Liara went to him, and sat beside him, an arm around his shoulders. Tears streaked his face. He removed his face from his hands, but could not bring himself to look Liara in the eye. His cheeks burned with the shame of his outburst. She deserved a better man than that.

"Look at me," she said.

Though he was ashamed of himself, he did as she asked. She gently wiped the tears away and kissed his forehead. "Join with me, John," she whispered.

"No," Shepard said. "Please. Not like this. I don't want you to see me like this."

She interrupted him. "There's nothing in your mind I haven't already seen, both good and bad. I still love you, John."

Shepard hesitated.

"Please," Liara said. "John, when we first met on Therum, you were there for me when the Geth tried to kill me. You were there for me when my mother died." Tears fell from Liara's eyes as she remembered the tragedy on Noveria. "You were there for me when I went to rescue Feron. You've always been there for me." She looked into his eyes. "Let me be there for you."

Shepard wanted to refuse, but he couldn't. He'd never been able to say no to those eyes anyway, but right now, he needed her.

Shepard jerkily nodded his assent.

"Embrace eternity," she whispered.

Shepard looked up to find himself in a log cabin. It was night time, and there was a chill in the air, but the roaring blaze in the fireplace kept that chill at bay. There was a tall mirror hung on the wall next to the fireplace. Shepard looked in it, and he saw himself. He saw a broken man, a hollowed out husk, a vessel composed of nothing but anger and loss.

He saw movement out of the corner of his eye, and turned to see Liara. She appeared to him as being without blemish. She wore a long white strapless gown that fell almost to the floor, leaving her delicate feet visible. Her bared blue flesh was flawless and lovely. She was a vision of glory, of beauty so pure that by all rights he should've been on his knees thanking God that he'd been allowed to look upon it. He had a sudden urge to go to her, but he didn't. He was unworthy.

"John, I have seen your reflection as you've seen it," she said. "I know why you don't like what you see. You lost too much on Mindoir. You lost too much again on Akuze. The Council didn't heed your warnings. I know that you think yourself a failure." She produced a mirror from behind her back. "Now, look and see what I, and everyone else sees."

Shepard looked into the mirror Liara handed him. Instead of a broken man wearing tatty clothes, he saw himself as he appeared when he was younger. His reflection wore a full set of N7 armor, and it had a slight glow surrounding it.

Liara smiled. "Heroes like we see in the vids and novels are few and far between. You are greater than all of them. You are the champion we all need in this, our darkest hour. You are not a failure. No man could ever have achieved what you have if he was."

She continued. "It's easy for you to see the flaws, but miss the good things. It's the nature of who you are. But I love you, John. I know everything about you, good and bad, that makes you who you are and I love you."

A blinding white light shone in his mind. He didn't know what it was at first, but then he realized. It was her, Liara. It was a manifestation of how she felt about him. And then he could feel her feelings for him. He literally felt the flutter of her heart when he smiled, the soaring joy from his embrace, the longing when he was away from her, everything.

It melted his jaded heart. He found her and embraced her, knowing the joy such a simple act would bring her, and he kissed her again. Her emotions amplified his, and the knowledge that she had seen every flaw, every good thing, and every bad thing about him, but still desired him, flowed back through the link to her so she could experience it as he had.

It was overwhelming for both of them. It wasn't even as if they'd never seen one another this intimately before, but the power of the mental link never ceased to humble him, and he needed that closeness right now more than he ever had. Through the mental link, it was as if their very souls intermingled for a brief moment.

And then he was back in his quarters. Liara's eyes still glowed from the experience.

She smiled. "This war is not over yet, John. We are not yet consigned to the bottomless pit of despair, and the goddess has not written anywhere in the stars that the only possible end is in death." She rose and walked across the room, retrieving the N7 plate Shepard had torn from his armor.

"This meant something once," she said. "The symbol of humanity's champions. Let it mean something again." She replaced the plate onto his armor.

She offered his hand to him. "Come on, we've got a war to win."

Shepard smiled and took her hand.


End file.
